Monday, February 21, 2011

Moving on to the 3rd

Well, clomid didn't work for round number two. Started taking it again today for the 3rd round. They did at least up my dose this time. I know it is easier said than done, but I am definitely trying not to get my hopes up this time around. It is such a downward spiral every time there is a negative pregnancy test.

It was always hard before, but now that we are actually on fertility drugs, it is much worse. I've been depressed this time around and really feeling like I need something to change. Everything in my life feels like it is in limbo. I guess maybe I need to find a hobby, start doing something with my spare time. Something to get my mind off of getting pregnant. I think I am going to start scrap booking again or maybe making more hand painted signs. I haven't done that, or anything to stir my creative juices in a long time.

I've been toying with the idea of getting a puppy. Most people would call me certifiably crazy since we have two dogs and three cats already, especially my husband. It probably sounds stupid to most, but I feel like I need a baby to nurture. What better baby than a puppy for someone who loves animals as much as I do? My husband has been trying to psychoanalyze me. He wanted to know about all the animals I have gotten (which is A LOT) and what is was going on in my life at the time so he could see if there were any common denominators. Nothing like your own spouse to make you feel crazy. In his defense, I am putting him in a tough position and he is doing his best to be supportive.

He says most of the time, people are in pretend-normal phase. Every day life, things are okay. Then something happens, a trigger, and they move to an acting out phase. According to him, the negative test was my trigger, now my unbridled desire to add a puppy to our family is my acting out phase. You either have to find a way to break the cycle (i.e. get a hobby) or ride it out and get back to pretend-normal.

He asked me if it bothers me that he thinks that. I told him it kinda does, which is true. But it bothers me more that he is quite possibly right. I still want a puppy. But I am going to try really hard not to make and rush decisions and see what happens.

1 comment:

Melba said...

Ahh life, it sucks at times! There was a point when I could have written {some of} this post myself! I SO hate BFNs & all the angst that IF can cause at times.

I'm sorry your 2nd round didn't work but here's hoping the higher dose will help.

I love the idea of doing something creative to get your mind off what isn't going as well as you had hoped. That tends to help me and make me feel better too. Maybe a scrapbooking date sometime soon?!